i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
