If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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