We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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