Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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