I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
