omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
