My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His hands were made for my vagina.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Damn victory sex feels great
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
