If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
