just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
