I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
