one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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