Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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