LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
