Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
