good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
