it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
