If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
