Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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