I'm so fucking centered right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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