I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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