No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My underwear smells like fireworks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
