I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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