wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize