I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
