Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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