You smell like a Billy Joel song
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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