life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
