This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
