Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
