Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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