i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
