Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
