Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
