I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
