I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
