We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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