Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it hurts more in the daytime
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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