Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
