i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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