sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
