I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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