Just fell off a train. Bad.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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