It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
