she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
