Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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