He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
