this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
