I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
