This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
