My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
