I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
