Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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