I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
