Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
