She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
