i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We had sex on a dog bed..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
